Sixteen Winters

To me, your poem was pure pleasure. It flows so smoothly and has unique play on imagery. Honestly, I don't think anything should be changed in it. It is perfect the way it is.

Greetings, salutations, a voice shouting hello:

This was interesting. "Sixteen Winters" had a dry (in the positive way, not saturated with glib words), eloquent aura that really felt refreshing to read. I felt that of the three stanzas, the latter two were the strongest– the first one came across a bit weak. Did you mean by "the days reflect" to mean that the past sixteen winters all look/feel the same (they all reflect eachother)....? And why is the light yellow, of all colors? Just curious.

I don't have much to say about the second stanza, but the last one really struck me with its unexpected imagery and sparse, desolate, melancholy tone. My eyes automatically read "I cradle his voice in my shaking hands" as head, but I think it was a good choice if it made me pause; and I just really enjoyed the whole of the poem.

I think the first stanza warrants some revision, just to clarify certain spots, but again, this was lovely. *presses the like–it button*

Thanks for sharing this with us.

–antimelrose

Hi Miss Rose!

This was a nice poem. I will admit that I was a little click on this poem when I saw your title, as I, like many others, am sick of winter and want it to be over. However, I clicked, and I was thorougly impressed!

You've got a nice, solid style with your imagery-I can tell the scene is pretty, but it's vague enough you've left the details to the reader's imagination, which I like! There was one tiny nitpick that I had, but otherwise it was a flawless poem.

S.S. Rose wrote:The days reflect

First, I have to say, I absolutely love the imagery, how you used color and tone to illustrate the poem.
This line especially:

I cradle his voice in my shaking hands
And wish to return it like rain to the sea

Stain my eyes that squint in the bleached dawn